Sexual Tension
by IceCrome
Summary: Everybody in high school is awkward. Deidara especially. AU. Saso/Dei


_Sexual tension, the best there is._

_© Kishimoto_

_Oh God, I _can't _be the only one who could see this happening._

_And Deidara calls Sasori 'Sasori-kun' 'nstead of 'Danna' on occasion. Why? Fuck you, that's why._

_Tobi—Does not wear his mask. Same hair. Red eyes. White patch over his left eye. Lips and nose are up to your imagination. _

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Deidara was never one for being in awkward situations.

Rather, he trained himself _to the brim _to break the ice _as soon as it was formed, _being so that said awkward situation/silence would not happen, and therefore, nobody would feel like an insecure dumbass.

However, due to the fact that nobody told him that 'oh-this-is-high-school-ha-ha-awkward-situations-will-be had-because-you-are-a-teenager-and-are-more-awkward-than-an-awkward-turtle', he kinda screwed the pooch on that one.

Especially when he discovered his sexuality.

...and...and the fact that he was totally head-over-heels for his (possibly asexual, possibly gay) upperclassman best friend who was undeniably sexy and lusted after by half the female population. (And hell, let's be honest, some guys _really _wanted to screw him too. Deidara was fairly certain that Tsunade-sama wanted to, too.)

Deidara sighed, and traced circles around his (stupid annoying stupid gay _stupid) _Pre-Calculus book, resisting the urge to burn it, _dammit, _or at least blow it up. He blew his bangs out of his face briefly before his long (_even more _stupid annoying stupid gay _stupid_) hair fell back into his face again. Tobi looked over towards him, and saw that the blond was either seething/moody/emo/or PMSing. Tobi was...quite sure it was 'all of the above', frankly.

"Deidara-sempai, you've barely touched your ice cream. Ano...can I have it?" Deidara sent a glare over to Tobi, and took a large bite of his ice cream. Deidara glanced around, watching Hidan play Pokemon. They had held that over him for _years_. It's fun to be an _ass _to your friends.

Currently, Deidara, Tobi, Zetsu, Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu were at Hatsu's, where she served everything from ice cream to Ramen, from Hamburgers to Soba.

"_FUCK YEAH, SEAKING!_" Hidan was met with a roll of the eyes and a slap on the head from Kakuzu, who sipped on his milkshake. The redhead whom Deidara was tragically obsessing over rolled his eyes at Hidan's fail, and took a bite of his odango. Deidara licked off the ice cream on the spoon slowly, and looked...rather bored doing it.

"Deidara-sempai, what's wrong? You seem upset." Tobi poked Deidara in the head, probing the older boy to twitch slightly in his eye. Deidara sent another glare over to Tobi, who gave a small shriek. Sasori snorted.

"Zetsu-san! Do _you_ know what's wrong with Deidara-sempai?" Zetsu gave the brunette a are-you-shitting-me look, while Tobi slunk back into his chair. Deidara shot yet another glare towards him.

Deidara took another spoon full of ice cream, and stuck it in his mouth, innocently licking off what was left after the big bite. Sasori took a sharp inhale in, and Deidara quirked an eye at the elder.

"Sasori-danna, what's wrong, un?" Deidara flicked his tongue out to lick up the stray ice cream, and Sasori started choking on his root beer float that he just drank. Zetsu, nearest him, patted him on the back to get his coughing back to regular inhale-exhale breathing. Zetsu rolled his eyes, quite aware at the situation at hand.

"Sasori-kun, are you okay?" Deidara said innocently once again, and sucked on the spoon in what (he thought) was completely safe from amusement. Oh how wrong he was.

Deidara sucked up and down on the spoon, and Sasori turned away, hand under his nose. Hidan swore, and handed Sasori a napkin. Sasori gladly took it, and wiped off his nose. Deidara raised an eyebrow, and flicked some ice cream off his nose. Sasori gurgled.

"Wooowee Blondie. Still haven't fuckin' figured it out yet, huh? I guess assface over here hasn't either, despite the fact that it's _blatantly fucking obvious _in the both of you." Hidan gave a low whistle, and Zetsu smirked. Deidara and Sasori gave blank stares towards Hidan.

"Whatever, un. Sasori-Danna. Loan me a dollar, I wanna get a popsicle." Sasori visibly stiffened, (dirty, perverted, sexy _goddammit_) thoughts running through his mind. His pants grew increasingly tighter, and shook his head rapidly.

"Hmph. Fine. Zetsu-kun, can you loan me a dollar?" Zetsu grumbled, and reached into his Super Mario Bros. themed wallet to give him the dollar. Deidara's eye lighted up, and he grabbed Tobi by the arm and frolicked off towards the cashier. Tobi wailed in what was either protest or happiness. Since the boy looked up to Deidara as a master....it was more-than-likely happiness.

"Sasori-kun, when are you going to tell the brat you have feelings for him? This would be a good way to get all those fangirls/boys out of your hair if you get a boyfriend. And we won't think any less of you, although our opinion of you is so low I don't know how it could drop any further." Zetsu, the omnipresent voice of reasoning stated. Sasori made an unintelligible noise that sounded quite a bit like 'shoot me now'.

"Fuck, Zetsu. You know pedophile—,"

"That was _one _fucking time and I _didn't _know she was _eleven! _She looked fifteen!" Sasori shouted strenuously, his voice going up an octave higher.

"—_anyway, _like I wasfuckin' saying before I was _rudely _interrupted, you aren't going to admit your feelings for him any time soon." Sasori gave Hidan a look.

"Why?"

"Because you're a pussy and you think that Deidara, _the biggest flaming homosexual who is undoubtedly in love with you _will reject you. Shit..." Hidan stuck his straw in Kakuzu's milkshake, and the older hissed at Hidan, hitting him on the back of the head again. Hidan glared, and continued to fail at leveling up his Tentacruel 'cleverly' named Kakuzu. It was his least favorite pokemon. Kakuzu seethed.

"Thank you Zetsu-kun!" Deidara smiled brightly, and unwrapped the popsicle from its wrapper. Zetsu grabbed Tobi, and pulled the younger away from Deidara. Zetsu predicted that...a very large scene was going to happen, and he didn't want his friend to be castrated.

Deidara hastily unwrapped the cherry popsicle from its wrapper, and squealed in delight. Sasori let out a pained groan as Deidara licked the popsicle up and down painfully slowly. Sasori curled his toes and grabbed fistfuls of his hair to keep from _e_x_ploding. _Dear god that boy knew how to give a man an erection.

Deidara shoved it all the way in his mouth, and Sasori let out a gurgle. Hidan had his mouth covered by his and Kakuzu's hands, trying _not _to shout insults, obscenities, and ruin the incredibly hot moment by laughing. Kakuzu kept giving Hidan death glares, and, just like everybody else, _desperately _wanted the two to get together, dammit, so situations like these wouldn't happen.

Sasori let out a distressed gurgle, giving everybody across from him a plea with his eyes. Zetsu firmly shook his head, and Kakuzu mouthed 'no'. Sasori continued to pull on his hair, glancing at Deidara practically deep-throating the popsicle.

"Askfjkghfjd." Said Sasori.

"Sasori-danna, what's wrong, un?" Sasori looked over at Deidara licking it, and Sasori curled his toes. His hormones (or lack thereof, as Hidan as so eloquently put it) were having one hell of a field day. All the blood in his body went down to his penis, and he let out another pained groan.

"Sasori-kun, are you okay? You seem really distracted, un..." Deidara reached over, (popsicle still in his mouth), and checked his temperature. Sasori looked up and saw Deidara's chest in his face, the popsicle's juice slowly dripping down his chin.

Blood, once again, started to trickle out of his nose. Sasori looked over to Hidan, his eyes screaming 'help me'. Hidan shook his head rapidly. Zetsu, deciding enough was enough, grabbed Sasori and pulled him into the bathroom. Deidara blinked, wondering what the _hell _just happened.

"Um..." Deidara's eye twitched as it shifted over to the bathroom door, still swinging from the violent push Zetsu gave it.

Hidan just couldn't take it anymore, "Oh my _fucking God, _Blondie! Sasori _no douchebag _is in _love _with you! How fuckin' blond are you! I mean, shit! It's so horribly obvious!" Hidan blurted out as he ripped off Kakuzu's hands. Kakuzu facepalm'd.

"Hidan, Deidara was supposed to figure this out _on his own._" Kakuzu hissed. Hidan scoffed.

"You know that Deidara's more idiotic than Tobi when it takes to figuring out things..." Tobi pouted, and shot a small glare towards Hidan.

"I _resent _that, Hidan! I'm not _that _dense!" The three of them shot Tobi a look, and the youngest one there slunk down into his seat once more. Hidan sent a glare towards Kakuzu.

"I _could have _solved this quickly. But no. Go to hell, Kakuzu."

"Already there, Hidan." Kakuzu said, and put a spoonful of chocolate milkshake in his mouth. Hidan gurgled.

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_Segue!_

Sasori groaned, and Zetsu boredly filled a paper towel up with water and threw it at Sasori's face. Sasori gurgled, which sounded a lot like 'askjdkgjdshfjsdkfh'. Zetsu snorted.

"Stop thinking about Dei-chan. Honestly, you'll give yourself more of a flaming erection." Zetsu said, and rolled his eyes. Sasori seethed. He wiped off his (rather sweaty) face with the towel, and Zetsu rolled his eyes once again.

"You do know that he's quite possibly the one person who is actually in love with you, right? Unlike all the annoying little fantards at Gauken who're like, '_Ooh! Sasori-kun's so kawaii_'!" Zetsu flailed his arms for effect, "I mean honestly, just tell him how you feel. Or else." Sasori quirked an eyebrow.

"Or else what?"

"Exactly." Sasori snorted.

"Right. Well. Why should I tell him?"

"Because if you don't, I will castrate you with a rusty buttering knife and feed your testicles to my goldfish. Believe me. I will." Zetsu said, his green face looking rather threatening. Sasori gulped.

"...ano...give me ten minutes?"

"Deal."

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"You know you're screwed when you can't even beat a pink blob of _happiness!_that showers all the little girls and boys in the world with happy eggs that are filled with joy. You suck at Pokemon, Hidan." Kakuzu said boredly, and Hidan's eye twitched.

"Just _diiiiiiie..." _Hidan growled out. Tobi and Deidara watched the scene with amusement. Deidara heard the bathroom door open, with a rather smug Zetsu and a troubled Sasori coming out. Sasori took his seat back next to Deidara, letting out a pitiful groan.

"Sasori, would you like to tell Deidara something?" Zetsu said, smirking triumphantly. Sasori slowly brought his head up, and stared at Deidara. Uncomfortable five minutes starts here.

...After an uncomfortable five minutes later, Sasori gave a deep sigh, and grabbed Deidara by the shirt, pushing his lips to his. Deidara gave a small squeak of surprise at his sudden force. Sasori pulled back, and shot the rest of them a glare.

"Are. You. _Happy_?" Sasori said, voice dripping with venom. Deidara still wore a heavy blush.

"Yes. Yes we are." Zetsu said, with a smug sense of satisfaction plastered onto his face.

"So...Sasori-kun...does this mean you like me, un?" Deidara said, shifting awkwardly. Sasori slammed his head on the table, and gurgled while trying to pull out his hair.

"I think what Sasori-douchebag is trying to fuckin' say is yes. So please, if you two want to shove your goddamn tongues down your throat, make sure we aren't around. Do it for the children." Hidan said, hands linked together. Sasori slammed his head on the table harder. Tobi forced his head back up, and gave a peace sign to Deidara.

"Ehehe...Sasori-kun...maybe you should stop hurting yourself. Repeatedly. I don't think Deidara-sempai would appreciate a dead significant other." Tobi crinkled his nose, and rubbed his one eye without the white patch on it. Sasori sent a glare over to Tobi, who smiled nervously. Sasori quickly glanced over at Deidara, who seemed to be having some interpersonal dilemma. Or he was just constipated. Sasori wasn't sure.

"So, will you two get together now? I mean come on, the sexual tension between you two was _aggravatingly palpable." _Zetsu said.

"You mean, none of you care, un?" Deidara said, bringing his face up. They all nodded.

"We really don't. Really. Just keep the PDA's down to a minimum, lest I try and kill myself." Kakuzu said sarcastically.

"Really. Ugh. The image of you two cunts going at it like monkeys is just _disgusting._" Hidan said, sticking a finger near his mouth for effect, "Besides, butt sex isn't my forte." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu."

A comfortable silence passed.

That was, until...Tobi.

"Hidan-kun, what's butt sex?"

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_I love Sasori/Deidara. They're both so adorable. _

_However, every time after sex, Deidara /probably/ feels like a pedophile. _

_Despite the ending being pointless and stupid, I still like it. A lot. _


End file.
